Facebook Wisdom

Most of the time, people talk about the beach more than skiiing.  Except in January.  When it’s about the same.

Kimya Dawson will be touring Sydney and Melbourne in June.  If you’re into giants.

Snoring can be fixed by wearing a rubber mouthguard.  But, even if I am snoring, I could be making money!!!!  Matt will be so thrilled.

My skin could be flawless.  Right now it’s not but someone has developed some all natural products.  And all natural products, unlike evil chemicals, won’t give you candida.  Which 30% of the female population has.  Candid, for those who don’t know (boys), is thrush.  Itchy vag syndrome.

I can get stuff for free.  And, lucky me, I can also complete FREE SURVEYS!  Yay!!! 

Svengali-Like

I really love that term. Svengali-like.  And I don’t mean that in like, a valley-girl like, way, like.  I mean “like a svengali”.

According to our friends at dictionary.com a svengali is “a person who completely dominates another, usually with selfish or sinister motives”.

WHAT? I’ve been using this word for quite some time and when I used it, that’s NOT what I meant… In my blatant stupidity I assumed it meant someone who was a bit bohemian. I’m a reader ok. I never looked it up, I just gleaned the meaning from the context in which it was used. Clearly I gleaned from a complete fuckass who has ruined my grammatic integrity for ever.

Then I started to wonder, what the other words have I appropriated incorrectly?

supercilious: haughtily disdainful or contemptuous, as a person or a facial expression
So not ‘extraneous or unnecessary” as I had presumed then…

lionize: To treat or regard as an object of great interest or importance
ok… I thought it meant the complete opposite… similar to demonise.

pugnacious: Inclined to fight; combative; quarrelsome
not someone who really sticks at things then? Bugger!

Bloody hell!  And this is what I can think of, off the top of my head… imagine how many more there are?  I’m officially horrified by the level of my ignorance.

Doing it in RL

I fucking HATE it when people acronymise phrases/words. (I realise acronymise is not a word however the verb form of acronym is in fact, ‘acronym’. How much does that suck? Hardly the punchy sentence I was hoping for.)

Right now my acronym rage is aimed at Triple J. We’re not doing fucking anything in ‘RL’ okay. Just fuck off. For that matter, we’re not doing anything in ‘real life’ either. Fucking losers.

For the record, Canadian Club CAN NOT be referred to as ‘CC & Coke’.

Travelling across the Harbour Bridge is not going ‘OTB’.

A woman is not UTD. Nor is she ‘up the duff’ for christs sake. It’s not 1989.

Cumberland University of New Technology may not call themselves CUNT.

(Actually, you know what, yes they can. That one I’m ok with.)

And this is not IMHO – I’m not LMFAO about this shit. Just stop it you weird acro-freaks!

Grapefruit cannot be used in place of lemons

You would think that it’s possible to use grapefruit juice when lemon juice is called for but you unnervingly find your fridge to be a lemon-free zone. I mean really, who wouldn’t?

For the record, I’m putting it out there. Spinach, fetta and grapefruit juice; don’t go. Parsley & grapefruit juice; don’t go. Gin & freaking grapefruit – don’t bloody GO!

It’s a tart citrus fruit, is it not, so what is the freaking problem? If lime can do it, I don’t see what the problem is with grapefruit. Well, unlike lime juice which also has that requisite sourness, grapefruit juice adds a certain off-milk-ness to the affair. Not what a person is after in a refreshing G&T on a Saturday night.

And while I’m on the subject, why am I such a crappy baker? My mate Uriah produces a tart which looks (and tastes) like it could have come from the most exquisite patissier… something akin to this:

When I bake, it’s a little more like:

I’m so jealous I could cry… oh wait, I am crying!

This is why YouTube was invented

while it is lame to just blog a video or a picture, I believe there is nothing more I can add to this little piece of celluloid perfection that can in any way improve it… it’s oh so right, just the way it is….

Penis’ ARE funny

Accidental Finger Tattoos are Fun

Why is it that someone who is ostensibly quite coordinated and relatively intelligent can do such stoopid things?

Oh ho ho… I accidentally tattooed my finger… he he he… what an amusing anecdote…. But I really, accidentally tattooed my fucking finger. On the first knuckle of the pointer on my right hand I now have a ½ centimeter black line. And there’s nothing clever, artistic or interesting about it.

It’s no:

    or

…it’s just a plain crappy black line that peters out a little at one end.

I had one of those artline felt tip pens, the ones with the little metal barrel at the nib. And yes, exactly what you are thinking right now is what happened. I shoved that metal barrel into my finger, creating a puncture-like hole. Not intentionally, obviously. I was shoving the lid back on a little too enthusiastically and whammo! A puncture. In my skin. Oh, a puncture and a strange black line running down my finger. Interesting. Not to worry, it will go away.

Well guess what, no it fucking hasn’t. Hole? Gone. Black line, not. Gone.

I have officially tattooed myself.