A Fistful of Dollars

I make pretty damn good money and so does Matt.  By all rights we should be laughing it up in Monaco with a bottle of Cristal 1990 Krug in one hand and a Goldvish in the other.  And yet, we are always so damn poor!  It’s absurd and I want my money back!  Pun intended.

Last month, courtesy of 2 weeks unpaid holiday in New York, we managed to get down to our last $50 – with 10 days to go before our next payday.  So we economised somewhat.  We “indulged” by adding frozen peas to our 2-minute noodles.  We finagled invites to other people’s houses for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  We walked, we did not drive.  No toilet paper? Find a bloody newspaper mate! And stop whining about how it scratches.  Cheese on your toasted sandwich?  Luxury!  It’s vegemite sans butter again I’m afraid.  Oh, we’re a little late in paying our bill?  Sorry complete oversight, we’ll fix that up right away [well, in 10-12 days]…

This month it’s gonna be caviar and roses I tell you.  Or we’ll be paying off those bills we ignored last month that have now accumulated into a something akin to Rosie O’Donnell’s arse.  Large, pushy and not very fucking funny. 

Of course we did still manage to drum up $80 to pay the cleaner.  I mean really!  We can’t live in a pigsty can we?

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I’m not cleaning my house ever again

We recently made the completely outrageously over-the-top decision of hiring a cleaner. She started today.

The house is all sparkly with no effort on my part. You’ve GOT to be happy about that. And then I realised, I’m never going to mop the floor or clean the bathroom… ever again. Can you imagine my glee?

She does things on a regular basis which I, till now, have done on a somewhat loose schedule. I’m a tidy person, I’m just not keen on scrubbing of any sort. Whenever we have guests over there is always a mad dash of dusting (dusting???!!!), mopping and scrubbing – well beyond the usual weekly fare. At the end of this 2 hour chaotic scramble, we always stand back and survey the glory of this shimmering, crisp abode and swear to each other that this time we’ll keep it up. Yeah, right.

And now, I’m… I’m glowing with happiness… now I can stand back and survey the glory EVERY week without getting my hands wet. God love this country!!! My heart is effulgent… yes, effulgent.