Lists of Joy & Harmony: #6 Rangas I’d Sleep With

Rangas, ginges, gingers, fanta-pants, carrot tops… and the one’s I’d sleep with (you know, if someone put a gun to my head):

1. Julianne Moore
   Speaks for itself really…

   

2. Prince Harry

   Ok not under normal circumstances (WTF?) but in this photo, yes!

   

3. Rose McGowan

   To be frank, I think she only gets my gong because in this shot she’s with one of my true loves, Rosario Dawson.
   Wow… her body looks like a barbie doll… it’s so plastic… it’s fantastic…

   

4. Cate Blanchett
   I don’t know that she’s all that “sexy” per-se… but beautiful definitely
   
5. Lucille Ball
   What’s not to love about those big blue eyes huh? And funny, ooooh yeah…. so wacky and zany… gotta love that slapstick. I know I do.
   
6. Chuck Norris
   Ain’t nothing bad about a hairy (ginger) chest, a denim vest, a coupla semi-automatic weapons and the good ‘ole stars & stripes
   
7. Lois Griffin

   Not really for me if I’m brutally honest… but one for nerds certainly…
   

8. Molly Ringwald
   Cos that girls got style yo
   
9. Seth Green

   

   I-R-O-N-Y….

And now to the rangas who get a big fat no!

1. Lindsay Lohan
   The eternally wasted look just doesn’t work for me…

   

2. The normal Prince Harry
   
3. Nicole “Ratface” Kidman
   Conversely, the skinnier she gets the less attractive she gets…

   

4. The Weasley’s.
   In particular, the two wacky older brothers.
   
   I mean for christ’s sake…. at least Ron can almost get away with it…
   

Leopard print grundies are hot

 I think this shot of Julianne Moore is so hot I could just throw her down right here and now.  Heterosexuality notwithstanding.

Christ.

While I’m not drooling allow me to point out the salient point. And I do have one.   The woman is 47 years old. 

Jesus-fucking-christ. 

Call me naive but that shot doesn’t look overly photoshopped.  I’m not suggesting it isn’t, but if it is they’ve showed a decent amount of restraint.  As American Photo magazine points out, compared to the ridiculous Ms Paltrow, Jules looks amazing and, unlike Gwynnie, seems to be a real flesh and blood person. 

Perhaps I’m biased.  I’ve loved her for quite some time and more particularly since her spectacular “Fuck you, motherfucker. Don’t call me lady” turn in Magnolia.  Then, I’ve always been a fan of the ginger*.  On chicks, that is.  Red hair, porcelain skin.  I wanted it.  Bad.  I tried to emulate that Scully-orange when I was in my twenties but the fact of the matter is that it really doesn’t work on brunettes with warm-toned skin.  It becomes more a sickly mahogany than that true orange that only a natch ginger* can do. 

Well all I can say is, Julianne, I salute your leopard-printed crotch.  And I hope that bruise on your inner upper thigh clears up ok.

* that’s ginger with an initial hard ‘g’ as opposed to 2 soft ‘g’s.  Natch.