Yes PJ Harvey, I Will Lick Your Legs

There is a phrase which makes me barf like a 6-year old in a McDonalds playground.  It is “ladies of a certain age”.  Seriously, WTF?  How old are we talking here? 35… 40… 50?

And what does it even mean?  It’s says to me that we are expected to somehow become more dignified, less frivolous and disinterested in the things of our youth.  You know, outrageous things like falling passionately in love with a band or singer; listening to one song over and over so many times the neighbours start knocking on your door; getting so drunk you forget that your hands and feet actually serve different purposes; pulling absurd poses for no good reason other than to amuse yourself & your friends; explosively loud laughter in a public place that makes passers-by frown disapprovingly;  singing & dancing in your loungeroom with your best friend just cos it’s Friday night.

But I love these things.  I can’t be expected to give up such vast chunks of myself just because I found a grey pube for christs sake.*

I will agree to one thing and one thing only.  If A-N-Y-ONE starts discussing my actual age from here on in, I will give you paper cuts all over the fleshy bit on the inside of your upper arm.  I will then proceed to pour a bucket of lemon juice over you.  This refusal to talk numbers will be my only foray into the so-called delicacies of aging.

As to the rest?  Well.  Colour me inapropriate.

There are a few lovely ladies in the public eye (all older than me too – bonus!) who’ve managed to keep their sass regardless of age.

pjharvey cameron_diaz_2009_golden_globe_awards_1.0.0.0x0.400x576 15_Gwen Stefani 37
PJ Harvey Cameron Diaz Gwen Stefani
drew-barrymore meg_white kim-gordon-urban-outfitters-collab
Drew Barrymore Meg White Kim Gordon

Ok perhaps Gwen is a bit of a stretch but I reckon Kim and Polly Jean more than make up for it.

So who do you think still has it?  Pick one of my suggestions or enter your own.  Someone who’s no longer a contemporary in age, of say Beth Ditto (The Gossip); Allison Mosshart (The Kills); Ellen Page (Juno) or Evan Rachel Wood (The Wrestler, Running With Scissors), but still walks around with a swagger that makes sure noone notices.  Vote below!

By the way, did I mention it’s my birthday today?  Hurrah!

* I really don’t have any grey pubes.  It’s called literary license.  Seriously.  When that day comes, you will know.  There will be gnashing of teeth and a great thundering wail.

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Why Steve Jobs Needs a Punch in the Head

steve-jobs copyRecent stories about the factory worker who committed suicide because he lost one of the new iPhones have got me in a tizz. At first I was my usual oblivious self but then I started to think about it.  For me, and probably you, to play around with that sexy little gadget in my pocket, many people have to suffer terribly.

Contrary to most media, I’m not all that fussed about Apple et al requiring so much secrecy.  That’s their right.  The guy didn’t kill himself because he lost a phone.  If he had, well, his brain isn’t quite adjusted to the real world.  Can’t blame anyone else for that.  But if he killed himself because he lost a phone, he knew the reprisals from his employer were going to be extreme and the impact on his family would be significant, well that’s a whole ‘nother kettle of fish now isn’t it?

This factory has a history of treating it’s staff like animals – if I may be so sensational.  In August last year, an organisation called China Labor Watch released an exhaustive report on the company in question, Foxconn, who build iPods and iPhones for Apple (amongst other things).  The norm is insults, physical abuse, compulsory overtime, unsafe conditions and not being properly paid eg work starts at 8am but they are required to be there at 7.30am (unpaid).


It would be great if someone could actually come up with an idea, a way of shaming them into action.


The usual response amongst my left-leaning peers is to say “don’t buy the product”.  I hear what you are saying but I don’t think that is a real solution.  Most people don’t care or don’t know what’s going on so there isn’t going to be a big dent in revenue really.  But let’s pretend for a moment that there is a significant drop in sales, what happens?  The company, in this case Apple, stops selling the product or goes bust.  The contract is canned so those workers are now out of a job and when they do get another, chances are it’s not all that different to the last one.  No-one wins. Not me the consumer, not Apple, not the factory and certainly not the worker.  The only way to get action on this is for those CEOs and board members to be unwilling to buy from suppliers of this ilk.

Why aren’t the board or CEO of companies like Apple and Sony that use these factories held accountable?  Why aren’t there laws that require a company to immediately cancel a contract if it is shown that a supplier is mistreating its staff?  Is it such an extreme expectation really?

I do wonder though, how can the men on the board of Apple sit idly by?  How do they live with themselves?  They are human beings after all.  And, why aren’t they being shamed by us into making a change?

If you’re old and grumbly write a letter goddammit!

Apple Board of Directors
Bill Campbell
Millard Drexler
Albert Gore Jr. (Former Vice President of the United States)
Steve Jobs(CEO, Apple)
Andrea Jung
Arthur D. Levinson, Ph. D.
Dr. Eric Schmidt

What would be really great though, is if someone could actually come up with an idea, a way of really shaming them into action. Obviously it would need media coverage and lots of it… ideas anyone?

Is Gael the hottest of the latinos?

Matt has been away for 6 days now.  The house is so quiet.  I haven’t really had a spare millisecond all week so haven’t had a chance to miss him yet.  Technology goes a long way I guess.  With the wonders of skype and SMS we’re still offering up to each other that running narration of our day…

Sometimes I wonder though. If we’re constantly getting real time updates of what’s happening, what are we supposed to talk about when he gets back? And, are we giving each other the opportunity to be missed?  Then I wonder, am I over-analysing this and who really gives a shit?

Supposed to be going to see Rudo Y Cursi tonight – a movie starring Gael Garcia Bernal.  And who doesn’t want to see a movie with he of the hotness, latino style?

images images4 images2 images3

But I’ve already seen one film in the past few weeks where Gael was sufficiently hot (Limits of Control by Jim Jarmusch – snooze fest).  Besides, another movie about 2 poor blokes trying to make a living playing soccer (although, at least these ones will be hot – as opposed to those buddhist chaps in The Cup – and men – as opposed to say Bend it Like Beckham).  Bah!  I think I’d rather stay at home, alone and do nothing. Maybe I can visit Gael in my head without bothering about the film (*snigger*)?  Perhaps give myself a little time to remember to miss my husband.

I wonder if mum is doing the same?  Matt and Dad are skiing together – it’s “man week” at the Burgess family ski lodge at Perisher.  So I’m not the only one home alone.
photo

I had lunch with mum on Sunday, seeing as we both had all this free time on our hands, and she told me that they have been somewhat at loggerheads of late.  Marriage counselling etc.  It’s funny how even as a grown adult, with a marriage of my own (of more than 5 minutes), it still gives me a little ugghh in the guts to hear my mum talk about that stuff.  I KNOW that marriage is up and down and all over the place. I KNOW that sometimes you really drive each other nuts. But they’re my parents.  Don’t think I’ll ever stop being their kid.  Don’t think I’ll ever stop feeling a bit sick when they are having a hard time.

Perhaps over the years, the source has shifted though.  You see, I’m too much like my mum and Matt is somewhat like my dad.  I suspect there’s a little bit of fear that if they can’t work it out, then we won’t either.  I know we’re not the same people and we make our own choices etc but still.  Besides, noone is even suggesting they won’t work it out. That’s just my gurgling guts.  Nobody ever said fear is rational!

One Giant Nerd Speaks for an Entire Generation

teenagers2I love the way the media portray young people. Oh yeah, that was sarcasm.

15 year old called Matthew Robson is apparently a “work experience whizz kid” at banking giant Morgan Stanley in London.  As reported in The Times online “Today he is the talk of Tokyo, Wall Street and the City. Fund managers, CEOs and analysts are poring over his report, How Teenagers Consume Media“.

So this kid, who did work experience at a merchant banking firm has some opinions about media.  Ok, sure I’m down with that.

What does confuzzle me is the idea that Matthew, who tried to get work experience at Lloyds and Morgan Stanley (*cough * nerd! * ahem *) , is considered to be a voice for his generation.

Who at 15 had a clue what they wanted to do?  Particularly, who at 15 thinks to themselves, I know – banking~  That’s the ticket for me!   Do you know who?  Seriously, think back.  Remember what you were like.  Think of your friends.  Who had the slightest clue?  Noone. Not a bloody one.

“The first day was quite scary,” [Matthew] said. “But it was really interesting. By the second week I felt I understood what a bank did.”

Yeah right.    So what were the pearls of wisdom this briliantine mind had to share…

  • Teenagers don’t read newspapers.
    No shit sherlock.  I’m a grown adult and I ain’t readin’ ’em either.  I imagine the newspapers count how many they sell and have a pretty good idea of that already.
  • They are reluctant to pay for music
    Ummm…. is this supposed to be news?  There was such a thing as tapes and blanks CDs before MP3s you know.  Music is expensive on a teenagers salary (ie zero) and we rarely paid for it either.  This is not new behaviour.
  • Directories aren’t used because the information can be found on the internet for free
    Pretty sure the grown-ups have worked that one out by now too
  • Teenagers find ads on websites annoying and ignore them
    Who doesn’t?
  • Sony Ericsson phones are superior because they have a walkman
    hahhahaha walkman… how quaint! Gazillions of iPhone and iPod owners around the globe would disagree.  Clearly Matthew and his few friends that he “texted for ideas” don’t have any disposable income.  And why would they, they’re 15!

His supervisors thought the report “one of the clearest and most thought-provoking insights we have seen” and published it.

You have got to be kidding me.  Thought-provoking? How?  Matthew’s points are all valid.  However you’d have to be Captain Oblivious to learn anything new or insightful here.  I’m not suggesting what he’s saying is incorrect.  Merely that it is (a) blindingly obvious and (b) in some ways specific to his particular social niche.  He’s not speaking for all 15 year olds, he’s speaking for male 15 year olds in his particular part of the world, of his particular socio-economic segment.  That’s all.

Matthew, meanwhile, finished his internship and went on scout camp.

Still doubt that he’s a nerd?

To be entirely cynical about it for a moment, does it really matter what this kid has to say?  He has zero income anyway.  If you’re in marketing or advertising, do you really care about this kid?

And yes, in case you were wondering, that photo is meant to be ironic.

The United States of Tara

The ABC has picked up The United States of Tara which is rating it’s pants off in the US.  It’s written by Diablo Cody (Juno) and stars “Australia’s own” Toni Collette.  It launches on July 29.  Why on earth are ABC not marketing the bejesus of it?  It’s got all the elements and from all reports it’s actually pretty good?  Check out the trailer:

http://www.abc.net.au/tv/comingsoon.htm#?vid=PRM0071412ust

Wanna be Paris to my Nicole? Or vice-versa. Whatever.

BFFAllow me to gush for just a wee bit. I was smacked about the head last night, figuratively of course. I had a realisation – hence the head smacking.

A few months back, I made the proper acquaintance of a young lady. I say proper because we had been friends for a couple of years but just never quite got close, in that sort of pre-Madden Paris & Nicole way. We had a turning point a few months back and all that changed. Now I’m in total friend crush… I heartily believe that never again will I suffer the pain of not having a BFF to dare to do a shimmy in the middle of a shopping centre.

But what’s the big deal? I’m a girl. And as such (I’m generalising, sure), I need a gal pal to giggle with, someone to spend a couple of hours over-analysing with at breakfast, someone who understands why it matters to me that the dress I’m in heart with is never gonna fit, someone to bitch about husband to, someone who’ll cry with me at the movies. This shit matters!

About a year ago my then best friend dumped my sorry ass. Not in so many words of course. She just sort of disappeared from my life. It was just as heart-rending as a breakup. Ok maybe not but not too far off. There was teariness and sleeplessness for a few days. It took me about a year AND finding a new friend to really get over it. Much like a breakup. In fact, when I questioned my ex-BFF about what was going on, she played dumb and gave no reasons. Just like a guy huh! In hindsight, we weren’t right for each other. That I can admit that now is, well, I guess I really have moved on.

This time round, I’ve got myself a bestie who is, by far, the most trustworthy person I’ve ever met and we’re a lot more suited just cos we’re in a similar place in life. She’s cool, quirky, creative, funny and one of a kind. The best part though, I KNOW that she’ll be there for me. And, I feel so safe and comfortable that I wouldn’t hesitate to ask.

That is my realisation… that because I’m quite an independent person, the sign of true friendship for me, is knowing that if I needed help I WOULD ask. That has not been true in the past – I’ve always felt like “the depended upon”; like I was needed. This time I feel like we’re equals. She might need me and I might need her.  We will rely on each other. And that’s ok.

So perhaps the Paris/Nicole analogy is a bad one under the circumstances.  Perhaps…  Jennifer Aniston to my Courtney Cox?  Or Gail to my Oprah?  Gwyneth to my Madonna?

An Open Letter to FBi Radio

060609104543_savefbi455If you are not from Sydney, you don’t know or care what FBi radio is.  So for you, we will resume normal transmission at a later date.

Dear FBi,

I want to love you, I do.  You’re more fresh than Triple J and well, I’m not 16 so you are definitely more suited to my demographic.  You’re certainly cooler, and way more “on the pulse”.  (Jesus Christ.  Let me never utter that phrase ever again).  You play a wider range of music than Triple J, which is interesting and challenging to my tastebuds.  You have everything going for you.

And yet I cannot commit to you.

I compare you to Triple J because frankly the rest are all bollocks and  I haven’t listened to anything else since I was 13.  When you launched I became a supporter and I started flicking over from time to time. But I can’t forsake my past and turn to the light. I have a few ties that bind you see.

  • Marieke Hardy
    Really I love her.  I first read an article she wrote in Frankie where she described peeing her pants from laughing while on a date at 14 or something.  Not a cute little splash – a pant soaking drench.  From that moment, I was hooked. Her type of writing is my type of reading (and writing if I’m honest).  Then when she joined Triple J, well…  girl crush “to the max”.
  • Robbie Buck
    I feel like I’ve grown up listening to Robbie.  And I don’t wanna leave him.
  • Zan Rowe
    She does a good show.  It’s interesting, different stuff goes on every day and she’s got pretty good taste in music.  And most importantly, she is the only female DJ on Triple J that isn’t completely and utterly arse (I discount MH because she’s more about the words than the DJing).
  • Your DJs
    They all seem to take themselves a little bit seriously, you know.  Like I am a “Music Lover” as evidenced by my presence her on a proper radio station.
  • Your Fucking Irritating Sponsorship Announcements
    If I have to hear about Katy Welsh from Surry Hills who’s become a sponsor one more time, I’m going to take Katy out the back, shove a brandy-soaked dildo up her and set the goddam thing alight.  I don’t give a flying fuck who’s donated $8 to your station.  Get off your arse, stop looking for a hand out and get some more advertising dollars.
  • Jay Katz and Miss Death.
    Just arse.  Nothing more.  Jay fucking irritating Katz.  Or Jamie smug movie guy whatever you name is.  Just arse I say!

I’m just saying… relax a little, don’t take yourself so seriously, don’t try and be wacky (Katz, you fucker) and no more sponsor-love ok?  About the rest, I don’t know what you can do about that.  Maybe you gotta spend money to make some, find a gem of a funny, relaxed brekky DJ and pay them decent dosh so they don’t leave you for the Jays?  I dunno.  Business development not my forte.

Feel free to ignore me and continue on as before.

Signed,

Someone who, frankly, can’t be arsed switching channels
xoxo