Free Air Guitar

Sure… it’s cheesy but it made me smile and sometimes that’s exactly watcha need….

mailgooglecom

Advertisements

Lists of Joy & Harmony: #6 Rangas I’d Sleep With

Rangas, ginges, gingers, fanta-pants, carrot tops… and the one’s I’d sleep with (you know, if someone put a gun to my head):

  1. Julianne Moore
    Speaks for itself really…

  2. Prince Harry

    Ok not under normal circumstances (WTF?) but in this photo, yes!

  3. Rose McGowan

    To be frank, I think she only gets my gong because in this shot she’s with one of my true loves, Rosario Dawson.
    Wow… her body looks like a barbie doll… it’s so plastic… it’s fantastic…

  4. Cate Blanchett
    I don’t know that she’s all that “sexy” per-se… but beautiful definitely
  5. Lucille Ball
    What’s not to love about those big blue eyes huh? And funny, ooooh yeah…. so wacky and zany… gotta love that slapstick. I know I do.
  6. Chuck Norris
    Ain’t nothing bad about a hairy (ginger) chest, a denim vest, a coupla semi-automatic weapons and the good ‘ole stars & stripes
  7. Lois Griffin

    Not really for me if I’m brutally honest… but one for nerds certainly…

  8. Molly Ringwald
    Cos that girls got style yo
  9. Seth Green

    I-R-O-N-Y….

And now to the rangas who get a big fat no!

  1. Lindsay Lohan
    The eternally wasted look just doesn’t work for me…

  2. The normal Prince Harry
  3. Nicole “Ratface” Kidman
    Conversely, the skinnier she gets the less attractive she gets…

  4. The Weasley’s.
    In particular, the two wacky older brothers.

    I mean for christ’s sake…. at least Ron can almost get away with it…

I REALLY like you but I don’t wanna “get busy” with you…

When straight girls met another girl that they really like, we most definitely form ‘friend crushes’.  Seriously this is a girl thing (although I think it’s a guy thing too, they just don’t realise it).  Ok sure, you don’t want to fuck her but that aside, it does have all the symptoms of something more… you think she’s great, you wanna hang out with her all the time, you’re physically affectionate, you find everything she says funny and charming and you think about her a lot…   That’s why we call it a friend CRUSH for christs sake.

So if said straight girl becomes friends with a guy, surely the same is true?  All the hallmarks of a crush are there and because they are opposite genders (and hetero) there is a presumption of attraction.  But like the aforementioned girl-based friend crush, what if there is no interest in pursuing anything more than friendship?  It’s easy to assume otherwise because that’s what grown up boys & girls do from time to time, but I don’t think it’s necessarily true.

This buys into that whole “can men & women be friends” discussion.  I’ve seen When Harry Met Sally, hell, I’ve reshot it using lego, but I’m thinking that was just an entertaining movie, I’m thinking they were wrong. Yes, the friend crush thang is there.  This is a person you really like BUT that doesn’t mean it’s anything other friendship.  Maybe that’s where failed relationships come from?  Those friendships that you mistook for relationships.  I reckon I’ve landed on something there.

On the other side of the coin, I’m a strong believer in “don’t marry someone you aren’t friends with”.  If you don’t “like” him/her then love alone just isn’t gonna cut it after 20 years.

I guess I’m contradicting myself a bit.  Don’t confuse friendship and attraction.  But make sure you marry someone you’re friends with.

Or am I?

Leopard print grundies are hot

 I think this shot of Julianne Moore is so hot I could just throw her down right here and now.  Heterosexuality notwithstanding.

Christ.

While I’m not drooling allow me to point out the salient point. And I do have one.   The woman is 47 years old

Jesus-fucking-christ. 

Call me naive but that shot doesn’t look overly photoshopped.  I’m not suggesting it isn’t, but if it is they’ve showed a decent amount of restraint.  As American Photo magazine points out, compared to the ridiculous Ms Paltrow, Jules looks amazing and, unlike Gwynnie, seems to be a real flesh and blood person. 

Perhaps I’m biased.  I’ve loved her for quite some time and more particularly since her spectacular “Fuck you, motherfucker. Don’t call me lady” turn in Magnolia.  Then, I’ve always been a fan of the ginger*.  On chicks, that is.  Red hair, porcelain skin.  I wanted it.  Bad.  I tried to emulate that Scully-orange when I was in my twenties but the fact of the matter is that it really doesn’t work on brunettes with warm-toned skin.  It becomes more a sickly mahogany than that true orange that only a natch ginger* can do. 

Well all I can say is, Julianne, I salute your leopard-printed crotch.  And I hope that bruise on your inner upper thigh clears up ok.

* that’s ginger with an initial hard ‘g’ as opposed to 2 soft ‘g’s.  Natch.

I think Russell Crowe is a creep

And yet last night I dreamt that I left Matt because Russell and I had fallen in love. Passionately, head-over-heels in love.

I honestly don’t find that beef-cake thing that Russell has going on, at all attractive… and he comes across as someone who would be a pain in the arse to be married to, someone who’d constantly make you feel crappy about yourself. So what the hell am I dreaming about falling for him? I’m bamboozled.

I woke up post-dream, amused by my nocturnal meandering and thought about it for a few minutes before dozing back into another dreamy state. This time I had basically an identical dream but I interchanged Russell with Heath Ledger. What the? Heath is definitely more my style. He’s got that scruffy, tortured artist thing going on.

However I, unlike the rest of the known universe, didn’t give a shit when he died. Sure, when I heard the news, I was shocked and a little saddened for his daughter. That moment lasted about 10 minutes. Then I was done with the topic. That was the limit of my interest. So why am I now dreaming about falling in love with him?

I’m usually anti those “I had the funniest dream last night” conversations… I mean really, what is more boring than listening to someone else talk about their dream? But I did tell Matt this morning and he chuckled so I’m ignoring my own rule for now.

Out of curiosity (and as fodder for my blog), I checked out a dream analysis website!

Celebrities

  • To dream that you are good friends with a celebrity, represents your idealized version of someone you know in your life.  Perhaps you hope that a real-life friend can act more like a particular celebrity. Consider the qualities that you see in this celebrity and how you want your friends to have those qualities
  • The person may, because of their life or role, represent a particular quality such as courage, love, ‘ruling’ drives in life, authority, etc
  • You are letting too much pomp and circumstance convince you to act certain ways that are against your better nature, this could be to your downfall in the area of the heart.
Falling in Love  
  • To dream of love of being in love, suggests feelings carried over from a waking relationship. It implies either happiness and contentment with what you have or you may not be getting enough love in your daily life. 
  • You will find happiness and contentment in your life

 I guess that means I’m either happy or I’m not or I will be. And, I wish Matt was either more like Russell Crowe or more like Heath Ledger or I’m up myself…

I’m not cleaning my house ever again

We recently made the completely outrageously over-the-top decision of hiring a cleaner. She started today.

The house is all sparkly with no effort on my part. You’ve GOT to be happy about that. And then I realised, I’m never going to mop the floor or clean the bathroom… ever again. Can you imagine my glee?

She does things on a regular basis which I, till now, have done on a somewhat loose schedule. I’m a tidy person, I’m just not keen on scrubbing of any sort. Whenever we have guests over there is always a mad dash of dusting (dusting???!!!), mopping and scrubbing – well beyond the usual weekly fare. At the end of this 2 hour chaotic scramble, we always stand back and survey the glory of this shimmering, crisp abode and swear to each other that this time we’ll keep it up. Yeah, right.

And now, I’m… I’m glowing with happiness… now I can stand back and survey the glory EVERY week without getting my hands wet. God love this country!!! My heart is effulgent… yes, effulgent.

I Got Teary Watching Sunrise

The show on channel 7, not the early part of the day. 

KD Lang was singing Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah.  I must have heard her sing that song a million times and every single time I get chills.  This time I had actual tears too.  Actual grown-up, over 30, old enough to not get-emotional-about-every-damn-thing, tears.  I do realise the absurdity of it, I do.  I just can’t help it.

Matt finds it charming.  I find it bloody irritating.

I used to have a friend who called me KD because he thought I looked like a more girly version of her.  I had an up-close look at her this morning.  Annoyingly, he was actually somewhat, quite possibly, maybe right.  What a prick. 

Standing behind KD at Brekky Central, outside the glass thank christ, were a horde of 15 year old kids on some sort of school excusion.  There must have been 50 or so.  Waving and wriggling placards saying “hi mum” and “hello bulamakanka”.  Here’s KD, pouring her soul into this genius song of such delicate beauty (look, I’d love to not say ‘declicate beauty’ but have you heard the song?  what else can one say?) and behind her squealing, irritating kids.  Little shits.

I do realise I’m deflecting my embarrassment onto the little shits in a vain attempt to distract you, dear reader, from remembering that I cried while watching a morning chat show.  But you know, fuck ’em.  They’re still little shits.