Yes PJ Harvey, I Will Lick Your Legs

There is a phrase which makes me barf like a 6-year old in a McDonalds playground.  It is “ladies of a certain age”.  Seriously, WTF?  How old are we talking here? 35… 40… 50?

And what does it even mean?  It’s says to me that we are expected to somehow become more dignified, less frivolous and disinterested in the things of our youth.  You know, outrageous things like falling passionately in love with a band or singer; listening to one song over and over so many times the neighbours start knocking on your door; getting so drunk you forget that your hands and feet actually serve different purposes; pulling absurd poses for no good reason other than to amuse yourself & your friends; explosively loud laughter in a public place that makes passers-by frown disapprovingly;  singing & dancing in your loungeroom with your best friend just cos it’s Friday night.

But I love these things.  I can’t be expected to give up such vast chunks of myself just because I found a grey pube for christs sake.*

I will agree to one thing and one thing only.  If A-N-Y-ONE starts discussing my actual age from here on in, I will give you paper cuts all over the fleshy bit on the inside of your upper arm.  I will then proceed to pour a bucket of lemon juice over you.  This refusal to talk numbers will be my only foray into the so-called delicacies of aging.

As to the rest?  Well.  Colour me inapropriate.

There are a few lovely ladies in the public eye (all older than me too – bonus!) who’ve managed to keep their sass regardless of age.

pjharvey cameron_diaz_2009_golden_globe_awards_1.0.0.0x0.400x576 15_Gwen Stefani 37
PJ Harvey Cameron Diaz Gwen Stefani
drew-barrymore meg_white kim-gordon-urban-outfitters-collab
Drew Barrymore Meg White Kim Gordon

Ok perhaps Gwen is a bit of a stretch but I reckon Kim and Polly Jean more than make up for it.

So who do you think still has it?  Pick one of my suggestions or enter your own.  Someone who’s no longer a contemporary in age, of say Beth Ditto (The Gossip); Allison Mosshart (The Kills); Ellen Page (Juno) or Evan Rachel Wood (The Wrestler, Running With Scissors), but still walks around with a swagger that makes sure noone notices.  Vote below!

By the way, did I mention it’s my birthday today?  Hurrah!

* I really don’t have any grey pubes.  It’s called literary license.  Seriously.  When that day comes, you will know.  There will be gnashing of teeth and a great thundering wail.

One Giant Nerd Speaks for an Entire Generation

teenagers2I love the way the media portray young people. Oh yeah, that was sarcasm.

15 year old called Matthew Robson is apparently a “work experience whizz kid” at banking giant Morgan Stanley in London.  As reported in The Times online “Today he is the talk of Tokyo, Wall Street and the City. Fund managers, CEOs and analysts are poring over his report, How Teenagers Consume Media“.

So this kid, who did work experience at a merchant banking firm has some opinions about media.  Ok, sure I’m down with that.

What does confuzzle me is the idea that Matthew, who tried to get work experience at Lloyds and Morgan Stanley (*cough * nerd! * ahem *) , is considered to be a voice for his generation.

Who at 15 had a clue what they wanted to do?  Particularly, who at 15 thinks to themselves, I know – banking~  That’s the ticket for me!   Do you know who?  Seriously, think back.  Remember what you were like.  Think of your friends.  Who had the slightest clue?  Noone. Not a bloody one.

“The first day was quite scary,” [Matthew] said. “But it was really interesting. By the second week I felt I understood what a bank did.”

Yeah right.    So what were the pearls of wisdom this briliantine mind had to share…

  • Teenagers don’t read newspapers.
    No shit sherlock.  I’m a grown adult and I ain’t readin’ ’em either.  I imagine the newspapers count how many they sell and have a pretty good idea of that already.
  • They are reluctant to pay for music
    Ummm…. is this supposed to be news?  There was such a thing as tapes and blanks CDs before MP3s you know.  Music is expensive on a teenagers salary (ie zero) and we rarely paid for it either.  This is not new behaviour.
  • Directories aren’t used because the information can be found on the internet for free
    Pretty sure the grown-ups have worked that one out by now too
  • Teenagers find ads on websites annoying and ignore them
    Who doesn’t?
  • Sony Ericsson phones are superior because they have a walkman
    hahhahaha walkman… how quaint! Gazillions of iPhone and iPod owners around the globe would disagree.  Clearly Matthew and his few friends that he “texted for ideas” don’t have any disposable income.  And why would they, they’re 15!

His supervisors thought the report “one of the clearest and most thought-provoking insights we have seen” and published it.

You have got to be kidding me.  Thought-provoking? How?  Matthew’s points are all valid.  However you’d have to be Captain Oblivious to learn anything new or insightful here.  I’m not suggesting what he’s saying is incorrect.  Merely that it is (a) blindingly obvious and (b) in some ways specific to his particular social niche.  He’s not speaking for all 15 year olds, he’s speaking for male 15 year olds in his particular part of the world, of his particular socio-economic segment.  That’s all.

Matthew, meanwhile, finished his internship and went on scout camp.

Still doubt that he’s a nerd?

To be entirely cynical about it for a moment, does it really matter what this kid has to say?  He has zero income anyway.  If you’re in marketing or advertising, do you really care about this kid?

And yes, in case you were wondering, that photo is meant to be ironic.

Does Zooey Deschanel fantasise about herself when she can’t sleep?

500full-zooey-deschanelIt’s 3.43am and contrary to my earlier predictions this evening, I’m apparently still wide awake.  I’ve tried all the obvious remedies – warm milk, reading, valium and sweet, sweet dreams of my eternal girl crush Zooey… all to no effect.

This is not a new phenomenon to me.  Usually it succeeds a hatred for my job, distress about a best friend who didn’t live up to promises made, or panic about an ever increasing credit card bill.  This time, I can’t really lay claim to major concerns on any of those fronts.  Life is good (credit card debt notwitstanding).  Work is, you know, ok.  An previously undeveloped friendship has magically worked its way into real connection and I no longer feel the gaping hole of my formerly disappearing BFF.  Husband is funny, charming and keeping the home fires burning (*snigger *).   I’m creatively inspired and excited for what seems to be a promising venture.

Perhaps therein lies the clanger.  Today I inadvertantly did the most mortifyingly embarrassing thing through sheer stupidity.  The sun was out and mother had lent me her convertible for a few days.  What is a girl to do?  Get in the damn thing and drive of course!  I wandered here and there, lapping up the luxury of a warm winters day on my seasonably pale visage (all hail tinted moisturiser!).  As someone who works from home the sun is a foreigner to me.  I’m daily cloistered in a cool garret with a candle melting fat drips of  wax as I toil and a thin worsted blanket loosely covering my shoulders to keep the cold from bruising my bones.  Ok I exaggerate.  It’s a lovely desk with a pretty view of a vast, hulking, deciduous green tree and central heating. And I wear my PJs and slippers to work.  Whatever.  The point is, to spend an hour or two drenching myself in the sun is unusual.  

Notice how long I’ve avoided getting to the actual point?   Yeah well.  I managed to completely and utterly lose track of myself and forgot a 3pm appointment which was really important to me.  To do with aforementioned future creative endeavours.  Till I got a politely innocuous sms at 3.30 reminding me where I was supposed to be.  At that point, I would like to have flayed the golden warmth from my face and arms and return to my cold garret in shame.  I of course was in Manly  so still obscenely far from where I should have been – in Rose Bay.  Mortification complete.  Did I mention I had already postponed this meeting from the previous day so I could frivolously see some ridiculous baby elephant?  Which didn’t eventuate after much waiting around.

So here I sit, vainly (god, please let me be wrong) hoping that this last ditch effort to expunge my embarrassment from my brain by sharing with others in writing will, at last, help me get to sleep.  Writing as therapy and all that.

4.04am.

submit to reddit

Delicious Bookmark this on Delicious

Alex. A Life. In Love.

a little movie i made for my sister to make her laugh when she was feeling homesick.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Alex. A life. In love. on Yahoo! Video“, posted with vodpod

What’s Your Bliss?

lm-bliss-little-guy-largeIf you haven’t had a look at Rainn Wilson’s Soul Pancake website, do it now!  Well, later actually… after you’ve finished reading mine 🙂  

(Rainn Wilson, if you aren’t sure, is a comedian – mostly famous for his role as Dwight in the US version of The Office but also as Arthur, the creepy undertaker in Six Feet Under).  

On his website, Rainn asked the question, what five things are your bliss?  And it got me thinking, what is my bliss?  Where and when are my perfect moments of contentment and joy?  Sure it’s cheesy but from time to time, it’s a good thing to remind yourself of.

With no further ado, here is my list (in no particular order):

  • Sitting in the passenger seat on a warm sunny day with the windows down, driving aimlessly, and singing so loudly my eardrums hurt 
  • Going to bed early and lying there with my husband talking about everything and nothing
  • Lying face up in the sea where sound is muffled, the sun is warm and the water cool… being softly bumped about by the waves 
  • Crafting the perfect sentence, just the right words, just the right tone 
  • Laughing so hard with my sister that my ears distort, my jaw aches and I pee my pants ever so slightly

So… what’s yours?

Manboob Monday #11: Simon Cowell

Sorry that this week the boob is not bare but it’s worth it, I feel, just to have the opportunity to poke fun at wankers.

06_92543

Manboob Monday #10: The Former Mr Minelli

David Guest is just scary lookin’.  Isn’t it weird that Liza Minelli married someone who kinda looks like her?  Boobs and all.

David Guest Manboobs