Grapefruit cannot be used in place of lemons

You would think that it’s possible to use grapefruit juice when lemon juice is called for but you unnervingly find your fridge to be a lemon-free zone. I mean really, who wouldn’t?

For the record, I’m putting it out there. Spinach, fetta and grapefruit juice; don’t go. Parsley & grapefruit juice; don’t go. Gin & freaking grapefruit – don’t bloody GO!

It’s a tart citrus fruit, is it not, so what is the freaking problem? If lime can do it, I don’t see what the problem is with grapefruit. Well, unlike lime juice which also has that requisite sourness, grapefruit juice adds a certain off-milk-ness to the affair. Not what a person is after in a refreshing G&T on a Saturday night.

And while I’m on the subject, why am I such a crappy baker? My mate Uriah produces a tart which looks (and tastes) like it could have come from the most exquisite patissier… something akin to this:

When I bake, it’s a little more like:

I’m so jealous I could cry… oh wait, I am crying!

4 Responses

  1. Bailey’s and orange juice. Not so hot.

  2. I’ve just been informed by my little friend Liam that Keith’s Swill actually contains not ginger ale but room temperature tonic water – don’t that just make the tastebuds stand on end? I’m offering general drunkedness for my misinformation there. I’ll be taking myself home once I cut this new track and making one for my punishment. And maybe a slight spanking. Buy my album

  3. In the same vein…. bourbon and lemonade. Desperate times – late at night and no more mixers… what else can one do?

    There should be warning signs.

    Also, don’t attempt to cross-pollinate a black russian and a white russian. It’s the later stage of the evening and you think to yourself, hmmm… I like kahlua, vodka and milk and I like kahlua, vodka and coke… let’s try kahlua, vodka, milk and coke! Hurrah!

    No. There’s curdling, chunks and general unpleasantness.

  4. I’ll tell you what doesn’t go! Jack Daniels and bloody room temperature flat ginger ale that’s what! Fuck me but my little friend Liam and I have invented what could be the worst drink in the world – we call it Keith’s Swill for obvious reasons (Keith Richards for the dummies or Keith Moon at a pinch). It should be the standard drink you serve when you want people to leave your place ‘immediately’ (and that should be pronounced with hard accents on the syllables and a tasty ‘j’ sound where the ‘d’ is for maximum horty effect). Anyway here’s to Keith, grapefruits & my bad spelling. Not particularly tasty but…oh sorry I’ve lost my point. Buy my new album.

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