Lists of Joy & Harmony: #6 Rangas I’d Sleep With

Rangas, ginges, gingers, fanta-pants, carrot tops… and the one’s I’d sleep with (you know, if someone put a gun to my head):

  1. Julianne Moore
    Speaks for itself really…

  2. Prince Harry

    Ok not under normal circumstances (WTF?) but in this photo, yes!

  3. Rose McGowan

    To be frank, I think she only gets my gong because in this shot she’s with one of my true loves, Rosario Dawson.
    Wow… her body looks like a barbie doll… it’s so plastic… it’s fantastic…

  4. Cate Blanchett
    I don’t know that she’s all that “sexy” per-se… but beautiful definitely
  5. Lucille Ball
    What’s not to love about those big blue eyes huh? And funny, ooooh yeah…. so wacky and zany… gotta love that slapstick. I know I do.
  6. Chuck Norris
    Ain’t nothing bad about a hairy (ginger) chest, a denim vest, a coupla semi-automatic weapons and the good ‘ole stars & stripes
  7. Lois Griffin

    Not really for me if I’m brutally honest… but one for nerds certainly…

  8. Molly Ringwald
    Cos that girls got style yo
  9. Seth Green

    I-R-O-N-Y….

And now to the rangas who get a big fat no!

  1. Lindsay Lohan
    The eternally wasted look just doesn’t work for me…

  2. The normal Prince Harry
  3. Nicole “Ratface” Kidman
    Conversely, the skinnier she gets the less attractive she gets…

  4. The Weasley’s.
    In particular, the two wacky older brothers.

    I mean for christ’s sake…. at least Ron can almost get away with it…

Celebrities who look like things #1: Calista Flockhart

Had the misfortune of catching the end of Brothers and Sisters last night and I noticed that Calista Flockhart’s face is frankly an absolute horror.

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Nice Hat

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What’s Stranger Than a Midget

Beer Guard DogWalking to work has been an interesting experience.   Ah, Sydney… the sights, the smells… the excitement… and the weird things you see.

Monday

Kent St.  A beer truck is being unloaded by a couple of big,  sweaty blokes.  Sitting on top of the 6-foot-high stack of beer cartons is a guard dog.  A teeny, little 1-year-old miniature poodle.  What the hell is that little tyke gonna protect them from?  Midgets?

Cute?  Indubitably.  Tough & scary?  No.

Arf.

Tuesday

Speaking of midgets, saw one.  Ok that’s pretty unusual in itself sure… but this one was driving a car down Sussex street.   Stretchin’ his little legs out and pointing his little tippie-toes as far as he possibly can every time he has to brake… or accelerate.  Bless!

Wednesday

Still speaking of midgets… what could be stranger than a midget I hear you ask?  Well… picture a small chinese woman.  And by chinese, I don’t mean ‘asian’ – I can tell the bloody difference you know – I mean FROM CHINA.

So, small chinese woman.  Imagine her, really, right now, close your eyes if you really need to, just start imagining ok.   Black hair, indeterminate age, barely 5 feet tall and just generally all-round small.  So got a picture in your head?    Good.

Now, put DD cup boobs on that sucker.  I kid you not.  How does she stay vertical?  Walking down Kent Street with nary a care in the world.  Except her gigantic DD boobs of course.

Thursday

Sighted a woman power-walking her way down George St.  Clearly she neglected to properly check the mirror as she walked out the door because she’s wearing her shirt inside out.  Bless her little oblivious socks.  It’s a long way from one end of George St to another and there are MANY MANY people along the way.  Hopefully one of them will be kind enough to actually let her know rather than point and laugh as I’m doing.

Crap.  Just realised.  The woman in question is me.

And no.  Noone let me know.  Realised after I got to work and looked in the mirror in the bathrooms.

People are scum*!

*Burgess, A. K., 2008, London.